Fantasizing is great. You get to imagine what things would be like if you achieved something. All of the reward and none of the work. The problem is that you’re tricking your brain into thinking that you have accomplished a goal when you haven’t done anything.
This, in turn, makes you less likely to actually reach your goals because it dampens your drive to reach your goals by providing a sense of accomplishment.
Fantasize less… Do more.
Going with the flow is fine. You don’t have to push. But higher standards would at least prevent unwanted situations. Think of it as a row boat following a river’s current downstream.. Standards would be using a paddle to occasionally avoid running ashore.
It is important to know what you are willing to
put up with do. Many times Ive found myself both upset and shocked about what people ask of me or expect of me, in the workplace and in my personal life. When i think about it later, i realize that i never actually expressed to the other person beforehand that something like their request would not be appropriate.
I think the problem is that I am not clearly defining boundaries for both others and, more importantly, myself. I do this because I have unrealistic expectations of other people. I expect them to always be fair and to never take advantage, which is unreasonable. Its in our nature to get as much as we can out of a situation. I also feel like its rude and unnecessary to have to say no to a bunch of things when you first meet a person, just to define boundaries. I need to get over that because it will help me avoid even more rude and awkward situations.
1. Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to do in this relationship/job.
2. Keep track and remember these things.
3. Establish boundaries by proactive or reactive methods.
4. Do not get lazy. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.
I need/want to apply to better universities.
It would be a good idea to keep a record or at least take a mental note of the positive results I achieve when I overcome an obstacle or fear. I’d like to do a closer analysis and compare the horrible outcomes that I imagined to the actual outcome. I think that will help with controlling negative thinking.
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